My apologies. I've starved my blog the past few days. Chalk it up to the busy life of a college student. I just moved back, so things are still falling into place. But for now, just some personal thoughts. I've got my old job back now, working at the university library and all, but I started thinking about my summer job - how I was a day camp teacher for three and four year olds. I really loved it, honest to god, I did. Those kids, they just make you feel real, they make you feel like you really matter. I still have a picture of this one little boy as my wallpaper on my cellphone. He always made me draw him fairies and mermaids. Everytime I flip open my phone, I smile at his little face and it makes me thankful that just a laugh or a hug from a kid can make you feel like the happiest person on the planet.

But it made me think. On my last day of work, there was this moment when this little black boy was walking hand in hand with this white girl, and I thought what a great picture that would make, what a great statement. These two little hands clutching each other, the contrast of the color, the smallness of their fingers; just proving again how kids are colorblind to things like race and such when they are so young like that. They just see people as people. It makes me wonder what happens between the time you are three to the time you are thirteen. The world, society, your parents, you are molded by your environment and the people that surround you. It’s tragic, when children lose that innocence. The insight and understanding of something bigger than us all. If you look at the evils of the world today, people who murder or rape, people who are bigots, sexists, racists, it makes you wonder how they were ever children. It makes you wonder what happened during all that time in between, this timeline stretching from the womb to the cracked foundations of their present day lives. Even for the less drastic vices – I know that’s a part of growing up: changing, losing that childlike view of the world. But what is it really that makes us hate others? Makes us hate ourselves?

August 14 - Greek Life VS College

Some of you might know that Monday nights on ABC Family new episodes of "Greek" are shown at 8:00. I've been a follower from the beginning. First episode, I was hooked. Now it's just a guilty pleasure (sort of like The Hills. Only minus the spoiled rich OC kids.) I don't know if it's the fact that I'm in college now or what that really grabbed me about this show, but it's one of the more entertaining shows on cable right now. I don't watch TV all that much and when I do, it's for a show I actually follow. There are only a few of those: Ugly Betty, The Hills, The Office and House. Add this show into the mix and we've got a nice little batch of quality television! Well, "quality" might be a little far-fetched to describe an MTV reality show. As for Greek, it follows the lives of Rusty and Casey Cartwright and their involvement in their respective fraternity/sorority. Some of it is overstated, overdramatized cliches about typical Greek life. But on the other hand, it's pretty accurate at times. The plot's always changing. The characters are interesting (Who doesn't love Cappie? The man won the gene jackpot!). I really like the character of Rusty because he is completely genuine. A handful of episodes into the season and he still seems like the same honest, sweet kid we met during the first episode. I only wish I had my shit together like he does. Which brings me to my next point...

I received this email about a week ago: "Hello, I recently rediscovered your website. It's designed beautifully and I really think your stuff is feminine and unique. If I had money to spare at the moment, I'd be ordering something right now! That not being the case, I was hoping you could answer a question for me. I'm a fellow college student, and we seem to share a lot of similar intersts: art, design, zines, photography, fashion, and writing. I'm an english major, and I really love it, and I'm studying art history as well. However, I don't know exactly what job I'd like for the future, I just would really like something creative, but I do sometimes worry about how I'll end up in the job department. Would you mind telling me what you're major is? My heart tells me to study what I love, but if you could give me any advice on how you decided on your major, that would be a big help! Sorry if this question is too personal, but I really appreciate any help you can give me! Thanks, -Julie"

No question is too personal, honestly. In fact, I welcome personal questions. They generally make for interesting discussions. I honestly wish I could answer this particular question though, as it's an important one. I'll be going into my sophomore year this fall and I am still undeclared. It's not that I don't know what I *want* to study (something I love), or do something for the rest of my life that I'm good at, it's only that I lack the courage to do so, really, because it's such a risk when you look at the financial aspect of it and the prospective job market. The original plan was to go to art school, study photography or graphic design, but as the old saying goes, 'Nothing goes according to plan.' So I went off to college for the first time thinking to myself, "I've got plenty of time to decide." Here I am one year later, still battling with that enormous decision. It seems so final, so...concrete. Right now, I'm taking some science courses because I've always been pretty good (and slightly interested in) the sciences, so I have this feeling that's where I'll end up. It's too bad I don't have a super-brain and a knack for extremely difficult physics equations like Rusty. The real plan right now is that whatever major I end up choosing and eventually graduating with a degree in, I'll for sure be using the paychecks from my future job to fund my passion, the arts, until I can make that final step in transitioning from day-job to dream-job. I don't know if this response really helped you at all, because my future is all very skewed right now, but I do hope you figure out your own future. The heart never lies. However, sometimes the rationality of the mind can be overpowering. Meanwhile, just enjoy college life (in your time off from hardcore studying of course!) Best of luck!

August 13 - Summer Reading

I have done my fair share of reading this summer. I've probably read more books in a span of three months than I did for the entirety of last year. But what's even more shocking is that I, a self-proclaimed Harry Potter addict, have not yet read the final installment of the series. I mixed it up this summer with various books - fiction, nonfiction, informative books, etc. I would count magazines, too, but I suppose those don't exactly fit into the catergory of "summer reading" because most girls get their fill of fashion and celeb gossip on a daily basis. So without further ado, in the particular oder in which they were read, I give you, my summer reading list.

Anatomy of a Boyfriend by Daria Snadowsky
This is one of those bubblegummy young adult "boy books." You know, that genre. The genre dominated by chick novels gushing about boys, girls with boy problems, girls with crushes, girls fighting over guys, etc. etc. This book has a bit of an edge on the others though because it's a sort of sexual-coming-of-age novel. Girl meets boy. Girl dates boy. Girl has sex with boy. The thing about this book that irked me was the tone. The main character had a tendency to be overly whiney, and that annoyed me. There wasn't much plot. It was very light. It's the sort of book I can see being turned into a teen pop movie that a group of thirteen year old girls would go see as they're dropped off by a soccer mom in a big van.

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell by Tucker Max
If there is one book you need to read before you die, this is it, my friends. Not for the faint of heart, this book should come with a warning label. If you can't handle reading about explicit sex, excessive drinking and the sheer insanity that is the male species, don't read this book. For everyone else, you need to get your hands on this little gem. It's a collection of true (that's very important to remember) stories written by Tucker Max; essentially, his escapades of sexual promiscuity (and a lot of it, at that) and drunken tales. There are some things in this book I just could not believe. There are many things in this book that had me in tears I was laughing so hard. Tucker Max writes very indirectly, like he's one of your good friends and you are all sitting around a poker table, drinking beers and sharing your most insane stories. It's engaging and above all, highly entertaining.

Pure Sunshine by Brian James
A very short novel that reads a bit like an acid trip at times, which wouldn't be far from the truth considering the subject matter of the book. It's basically just a bunch of ramblings and descriptions of the main character, Brendan, as he trips on acid (or "pure sunshine"). The writing itself is vivid and poetic in certain places, but I felt disconnected from the story. I couldn't connect with the characters for some reason, maybe because I wasn't all that into the story. It became very redundant halfway through. Majority of this book is Brendan and his friends getting high, looking for places to get high, or getting into fights and arguments during their high, culminating in the climax of the story as Brendan begins to see his life unravel as he wonders whether it's all worth it.

Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman
My first Neil Gaiman book :) I saw this sitting on the shelf at Borders, all lonely in its neon orange and black cover, and it whispered to me, "Read my back cover! Take me home with you!" I'm also a sucker for thick paperbacks (I hate hardcover books.) In this novel, "Fat" Charlie Nancy discovers his father was a spider god (and he inherited some of his powers), and he also finds out he has a brother, Spider, he never even knew about. Spider begins to subtly and slowly take over Charlie's life. There are a lot of mix-ups, fantastical events and a whole parallel world in which all the main characters become enveloped by as the story unfolds with lots of adventure. The story tended to drag on at times, but for the most part, I was wholly engaged in the story.

Looking for Alaska by John Green
This is the kind of "Young Adult" book I like. It has a lot of meaning, substance and a very good message. It's about a boy named Miles who goes off to boarding school seeking what he calls a "Great Perhaps," and meets Alaska, a beautiful, intriguing girl full of insight and who is a master of tightrope walking that fine line between genius and insanity. The first half of the book builds the relationship between the two, while the second unleashes the tragedy of Alaska's questionable suicide and the search for answers. It's written beautifully and articulately and filled with famous last words (a hobby of Miles'). I read this book in a span of a few short days. An excellent addition to any book collection.

Exit Here by Jason Myers
Another drug book. No, really. That's what this book is about. Heavily. The synopsis on the back cover sounded intriguing though: Travis is back from college, and he's just starting to settle in to the usual pattern of drinking, drugging, watching porn, and hooking up. But his mind is haunted by memories of a deadly debauch in Hawaii, his ex love, Laura, and the realization that his life has become messed up and empty. Really, this book is just paragraph after paragraph of Travis and his friends snorting excessive amounts of coke (which comprises about 80% of the book), while the other half details his friends' numerous hookups. Wrapped interspersed between chunks of chapters is a seperate story - the slow retelling of an incident that happened to Travis while on a solo vacation to Hawaii. I wanted that story. It was far more interesting than reading about how Travis and his incredibly emo friends do lines off mirrors. I get the feeling the author has a thing for punk girls, you know - the ones with really bad choppy haircuts colored with blonde, brown, black and red (as if they couldn't make up their mind between blonde or brunette), multiple piercings and extremely slutty clothing. I mean, hey, if that's your thing, that's all well and good, but it just got on my nerves how terribly "scene" this book was. The story could have been told in half the number of pages than it actually was. It's almost as if the author wanted to put in a bunch of crap that had nothing to do with the actual furthering of the plot purely for the purpose of making the book longer. I ended up returning it and getting my money back.

Stardust by Neil Gaiman
This book was given to me as a gift by a friend. I also felt I should read the novel before I see the movie next week. Generally, I tend to favor books over their movie counterparts, but I have heard exceptional rave reviews about Stardust the movie (and who can resist the beautiful and talented Claire Danes?) In short, I loved this book. Absolutely loved it. Moreso than Anansi Boys. It's pure fantasy. A star falls to earth and a whole group of different people want to find her and take her for themselves for various reasons (love, eternal beauty and power just to name a few.) The imagery is exquisite, very well written. The scenes unfolded seamlessly in my mind. I only hope that I don't lose my original vision after watching the movie. Movies tend to do that for me - erase the imagery the book itself created in your head. It's a fairly quick read, especially because it's so engaging. The story traps you in its own spell. If you're a fan of Neil Gaiman, or fantasy novels in general, read this one.

Specials by Scott Westerfeld
This is the final book in the Uglies trilogy, a series of sci-fi novels about a seemingly perfect world in which people go from an "ugly" to a "pretty" via an extensive operation. But there is a darker side to the story: Tally and her friends discover the operation plants "lesions" in their brains that block the truth of reality, forcing them to live in a superficial world of mere pleasure and partying. In Specials, Tally has been essentially turned into a highly organized mechanical robot equipped to track and shut down the New Smoke, the rebels who are trying to change everything. I was highly anticipating the release of this book, and even though it's been out for a while now, I didn't get around to reading it until now. For anyone who has followed the story from the beginning, it's such a shock to see Tally this way, as a ruthless cutter determined to stop everything she once stood for. But the book does not disappoint! I don't want to say anything else for fear of giving away too much, so you'll just have to read it (unless you haven't even read the first book yet; in that case, get a move on! You have two books to read before you can read Specials!)

Hooking Up: A Girl's All-Out Guide to Sex and Sexuality by Amber Madison
Pretty informative little book, though nothing in here that I really didn't know about already. It's covers everything from female anatomy to STDs to dealing with relationships. It's not really a guidebook on sex, per se. If you're looking for a book that's really about sex, I suggest thoroughly reading Ducky Doolittle's Sex with the Lights On (a Q&A style book that covers every topic imaginable about sex. Tips and tricks included. Highly informative and entertaining.) This thin little book, I felt, was more of an introduction to the innerworkings of the female body. Just the facts.

Wasted by Marya Hornbacher
Wow. That's all I can really say. This memoir is a book about Marya's life struggling with an eating disorder. A heartfelt tell-all novel beginning from the womb to the present, and her ongoing battle with not only bulimia but anorexia as well. It's graphic, it's detailed, it's completely the truth. If you have ever struggled with an eating disorder or just want to know what goes through the mind of a person dealing with such issues, you should read this. Very enlightening. What people need to understand about eating disorders is that they are not just the effects of societal pressures or a mere desire to be thin/beautiful. The bulk of an eating disorder is highly psychological. I found myself highlighting and writing notes all throughout this book. There were specific passages I identified with because of the deeper meaning Marya discusses. It's astounding the things she went through - in-and-out of hospitals, being locked up in a clinic, feeling trapped within the confines of her inescapable disease. If you can handle this heavy material, it's more than worth your time.

So that's it. Ten books in a few short months. I still didn't reach my goal though. I have a few other books I had planned to read this summer but didn't get around to reading. Here are the few I have left to read:

• You Get So Alone At Times That It Just Makes Sense by Charles Bukowski
  
• Pieces by Stephen Chbosky
  
• Generation S.L.U.T.: A Brutal Feel-up Session with Today's Sex-Crazed Adolescent Populace by Marty Beckerman
  
• My Horizontal Life by Chelsea Handler
  
• Microthrills: True Stories from a Life of Small Highs by Wendy Spero
  
• A Piece of Cake: Recipes for Female Sexual Pleasure by Melinda Gallagher and Emily Kramer
  
• Hairstyles of the Damned by Joe Meno

August 11 - Four Eyed Monsters & Other Assorted Things

I don't know if any of you have seen this film or not, but it is the first feature film uploaded to YouTube. I don't know how I stumbled across it, but I'm glad I did! It's a wonderful film, all managed and distributed by its creators, Arin Crumley and Susan Buice. Also, if you click the image to the right and sign up for Spout, you'll be automatically donating a dollar to the creators to help them reach their goal of the $100,000+ they racked up in credit card debt for the film. It's that easy, just sign up and Spout gives them a buck! Just a nice way of showing your appreciation for their work & what they've done with the film. Check out the film below or visit their website, Four Eyed Monsters for more information. You can easily purchase a copy of the DVD for yourself (which I definitely plan to do. This one's worth owning!) So what's the film about? To quote the creators, "It’s about our lives. Being alone in a city, wanting to be in a relationship but feeling there are no good ways to start a connection and then breaking out of a rut, jumping feet first into something deeper and crazier than either of us expected."

During the film, somewhere in the beginning there is a scene shot from the inside of a washing machine at a laundromat, and you are watching this boy take out his laundry, fold it, everything slows and you stop spinning upside down and around and around. He sees a girl walk in. The shot changes to soft-focus, so you know you are inside his thoughts, and here he is with this girl, and she is passionately kissing his neck and touching him. The shot returns to normal. He walks out with his basket of laundry.

So that got me thinking, we all must do the same thing. Even in passing, I find myself thinking about people I don’t even know, people I find attractive, people I find interesting. I wonder if they notice me at all, what would happen if we started some sort of interaction. I'm not talking about just randomly jumping all over some poor unsuspecting boy (I'm sure that would not be well-recieved!) but just human connection. Offer up a friendly greeting, a comment, a question. In a world of so much technology, sometimes it seems as if actual person-to-person connection - without the guise of a computer screen or cell phone to block us - has become increasingly less common. Sometimes, it seems as if we hide behind technology instead of getting out there, reaching out, you know? What I also thought interesting about this film was the medium through which they "talked." Pen and paper. It's such a simple concept. I think it would be sort of a cool experiment, to go a whole day just communicating not with our mouths, but with writing or just pure body language. Sometimes, what you say with your body can have so much more meaning than just words. But just check out the film, leave a comment, what you think about it, anything really.

August 10 - Start a website? Me!?

Yes, you! Anyone can! Come on, this is 2007, not the 1990s. These days, you barely have to know anything about computers or HTML to start a website. In the four years I've had this site, there is one question that has been more asked more frequently than anything else: "Do you have any advice on starting a website / online business?" I do, infact. But it's going to cost ya ;) Nah, actually, there are no big secrets to starting a site or business, though there are many tips I can offer.

1. Know your basics. While it is not necessary to know HTML these days, a basic understanding of it is useful. I've been doing webdesigning and messing with HTML for a lot longer than four tiny years; it has to be almost ten years now. I remember starting out very slow on ancient dinosaur hosting sites like Expage (does anyone even remember Expage!?) From there I moved to geocities, then was hosted on various domains before finally buying my own domain - my own little slice of the internet. But back to the point: HTML, right. If you don't already know what HTML stands for, pay attention, because it might be one of those questions that pops up when you finally make it onto that trivia show you got chosen for ;) HTML is the abbreviation for "Hypertext Markup Language" and it is the magical nonsense coding that makes up webpages. For beginners, I reccomend Lissa Explains. Also, learn FTP. FTP clients are super simple to use. I use a client called SmartFTP, but I have used CuteFTP in the past. I have also heard from numerous people that a program called Fetch works well, too. Don't know what an FTP client is? FTP clients allow you to take the .html documents from your computer and upload them to the net. Think of them as a sort of virtual conduit that allows you to share your awesome web content with the masses. If you own an online shop, I highy recommend familiarizing yourself with PayPal. I use it and I wouldn't use anything else! Tons of useful stuff like shopping carts, "Buy Now" buttons and more. Easy to learn, easy to use.

2. Target your demographic. Who are your potential viewers? Who is your website geared towards? For example, I sell handmade bags, clothes and other assorted girly and femme things. My target demographic is obviously not middle-aged men. I cater toward the young, female crowd (but hey, if you're a guy and happen to like my stuff, more power to ya!) Knowing your target audience will help you design your website. Since my buyers are typically chicas, my layout is very cute and girly, with a little bit of edge because the last thing I want my site to come off as is an overload of puke-pink in-your-face little girl princessness. Yeah, I like pink, but let's not overdose on it here. So draw up a design. Get a pencil, sketch out some ideas. Are you building a website for your punk band? Trying to sell toupees for balding men? Creating a bedroom blog to record your sexual escapades? Whatever you plan to do, you'll want to make sure your design matches. After all, you wouldn't want your page splashed with women in skimpy lingerie if you were starting up a small business to sell knitted goods and handspun yarn (unless you had a knack for creating super cute woolen knickers...)

3. Get on those graphics! Don't know the first thing about creating your own graphics? No problem! I can totally do it for you ;) (Sorry, shameless self-promotion. I can't help it!) So if you're stumped about how to translate your sketches into reality and put those great ideas into play, the web has got you covered. Step one: go to Google - or any other search engine, though I'm such a Google girl. Step two: search for "custom graphic and/or web design." Be prepared to sift through an endless pile of links. Be meticulous and picky when choosing a designer. This is your site, after all. And remember, you get what you pay for. Cheap prices won't always equal quality work. Don't want to pay someone to make your site? No problem. Go DIY! There are millions of sites that can teach you how to harness your inner graphic designer and show you step by step how to create your own. You'll need a graphics program for this, though. I recommend Paint Shop Pro or Adobe Photoshop. This is a big investment though, as these programs are rather pricey (but SO worth it!)

4. Don't expect immediate results. Life isn't instant pudding and neither is success (too bad though, right?) The best thing to do is keep your website UPDATED. I have seen many websites die due to inactivity on the maintainer's part. You have to be enthusiastic with your project, you have to want it to succeed, enough so that you put effort into the work. Add new content (or items if you own a shop), change the layout every now and then, play around with it. I might be sort of a hypocrite here, that is to say my site has been quite inactive for a while - but I think college qualifies as a good excuse :)

5. Ok, so you've got your site uploaded, graphics all done, your own domain, everything. Now what!? Probably the most important thing is to PROMOTE, PROMOTE, PROMOTE! After all, what good is a website if no one knows about it? Do link exchanges. Circulate your link. Put it into search engines. Post on message boards. You'll be pulling in people before you know it! A little self-promotional plugging never hurt anyone, so PLUG IT HERE IN THE COMMENTS! Hey, it's a start...